Headlines

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today held strong against the growing demand for a $300 jab incentive, as his bungled roll-out continues to see Australia's immunisation rates trailing last in the list of OECD nations. The Federal Opposition Leader, whose name is Anthony Albanese, has proposed the payment as a way to ramp up the jab roll-out,...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT A WASTE OF DECK SPACE: The government has today aired growing concerns that not enough people are completing their civic duty to protect themselves from this virus. Australians in locked-down cities are being urged to protect themselves with that jab that the government initially didn't order enough of, and then scared them away from with fear-mongering politics, before...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Scotty From Marketing continues to skirt around the big jobs today, as the Greater Sydney outbreak continues to spread right across the state. With a large wack of aged care, disability and prison workers still not vaccinated - today's case numbers have seen some really inspiring developments. Namely, a prisoner has contracted the virus in Bathurst prison from an...

STEVEY BENNETT | National Pulse | CONTACT The Federal Government has rushed to clarify that this week’s census is not a customer satisfaction survey after receiving a number of abusive responses from citizens across the country. In the midst of multiple lockdowns, piss-taking levels of corruption and a vaccine rollout with less jabs than Paul Gallen’s last fight, it seems the Liberal Government has...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT As the pandemic refuses to fuck off, the culture wars continue to rage in the leatherbound home offices of Australia's most elite inner-city commentators. A majority of the nation is currently unable to work and stuck in lockdown, a situation that has been caused by extremely incompetent governments at both state and federal levels. However, according to some of...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT With nothing positive to report to the nation after 6 months of shifting jab-roll-out targets and some very concerning climate change reports being tabled by the UN, Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing is running out of chook feed to throw to the media. With no more Olympics to distract us from his the fact that a vast majority...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Rocco, a close friend from footy who manages to remain one of the most popular members of the club despite his religious disdain for the lifestyle of many of his teammates, hasn't been reading the news. That's what he reckons. When asked by several blokes at training if he's been reading the news, Rocco says he hasn't. In fact, Rocco...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT With our Federal Government once again tasked with rolling out a slightly logistical programme that requires clear messaging and engagement with the Australian population, there is very little confidence that things will go as smoothly. In fact, Australians say the only thing they have confidence in right now is Scotty From Marketing's ability to fuck up tonight's census. Australia's...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT The NSW Premier has today warned residents of Byron Bay that now is not the time to get experimental with their approach to medicine. As of last night, Byron Shire, Richmond Valley, Lismore and the Ballina Shire are now subject to stay-at-home orders until at least August 17 after an active case was reported in the Northern Rivers...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Maroubra woman, Mary Macey (33) has today returned to reality, after a glorious fortnight of finding herself heavily emotionally invested in different sporting events that she only thinks about every 4 years. As a locked down hairdresser, currently living off the pitiful disaster payments that her accountant has taken two weeks trying to figure out, the embattled young...