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Dan Andrews Breaks Into Soulful Rendition Of Montell Jordan’s ‘This Is How We Do It’ Before Announcing Another Lockdown

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The people of Melbourne are going back into lockdown, it has been confirmed by the Victorian state government today. The five-day snap lockdown will begin from midnight tonight to curb the growing outbreak that has seen a man and a child test positive after attending the MCG on Saturday, July 10, at the same time as a man in...

“Now This Is The Trick To Breaking Up Ice Scotty” Says Grampa Kev As He Takes Over Esky Duties

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In letter obtained by the ABC today, it can be revealed that former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has had to intervene to help Scott Morrison correctly fill an esky on the lawns of Kirribilli House house last night. This follows the news that Kevin Rudd has relocated from his home in Brisbane back to the secondary official residence of...

Kevin Forced To Mow The Lawn At Kirribilli After Watching PM Neglect His Duties For Months

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After months of cringing through the sheer incompetence of a Morrison government, former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has today arrived at Kirribilli House with a jerry can of unleaded and officially intervened. In a letter obtained by the ABC on Monday, former prime minister Kevin Rudd used his influence to convince security guards at Kirribilli House to let him...

19-Year-Old Work Experience Kid In The PM’s Office Asks The CEO Of Pfizer If He’s On TikTok

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Cody Carringbah, a 19-year-old work experience kid from the office of the Prime Minister, has today revealed that his negotiations are going well with the Chief Executive Officer of Pfizer Inc. "Yeah, like at first, I like coudn't understand him 'coz he's like Greek or whatever" says Cody in reference to Albert Bourla the CEO of of the multinational...

“It’s Coming Home!!!” Shouts Excited Victorians As Melbourne Records 7 New Community Cases

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT If you thought the crowds in Lygon street celebrating the Gli Azzurri victory on Monday morning were raucous, then get ready for a real party. The 2021 Euro celebrations appear to have been completely dwarfed by today's homecoming celebrations for the St Kilda Sneeze, as Melbourne records seven new active cases. The news has triggered the Victorian Government to hold...

Leichhardt Residents Forced To Let Off Flares Indoors While Celebrating Azzurri In Lockdown

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Italy's win against England on penalties at the final of the European Championship has seen days of celebrations amongst the nation's far-flung global diaspora. As usual, Australia's Italian community were some of the most excitable, as they braved the winter darkness to watch the brave Gli Azzurri defy the media narrative that it was coming home. Melbourne's Little Italy of...

Toowoomba Also Keen To Talk To Kevin Rudd About Quarantine Facilities They Are Ready To Build

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Business leaders from the rural Queensland epicentre of Toowoomba are taking the lead from the corporates down south who are now bypassing Scotty From Marketing and instead talking their grievances to former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd. This comes after it was revealed that Grampa Kev had been asked by Australian corporate executives if he could step up and speak...

Australia’s Grandfather Forced To Step Up And Raise Us After Dad Skips Town During Pandemic

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT GRAMPA KEV: Australian voters are today thankful for the community of ex-politicians that still remain diplomatically active, after it was revealed that a retired man from suburban Brisbane has had to step up to help guide our nation out of the pandemic, after the bloke who is meant to be looking after us went into hiding. The pharmaceutical giant...

Scotty Asks Gladys If She Can Pull Back On The Constant References To How Bad He’s Fucked Up

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT WE POINT THE FINGER AT DAN, REMEMBER? Scotty From Marketing has come out again today to make a mess of public health recommendations, in an effort to generate some better numbers for his pathetic jab roll out. After already encouraging young people to take the AZ jab that health experts had asked them not, the PM has today suggested...

Only Coworker Who’s Been Going Into The Office Definitely Using The Fuck Out Of Your Mug

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With up to 70% of Australia’s population either going in or coming out of lockdown, the nation’s officeworkers are operating at peak efficiency, as most people are at home. “Maybe those Scandinavian countries where they work for four hours a day, four days a week have the right idea?” mused office worker Chelsea Ko (32) in her tracksuits she...

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