Mum Already Prepares ‘Secret Spice’ For Turkey Stuffing To Prevent Christmas Day Arguments

| Editor-at-large | Contact

Linda McGrady’s family is rarely unified on anything, but one thing they all can agree on is that she makes the best turkey stuffing this side of the Tropic of Capricorn.

However, each time they gather for Christmas, sparks fly.

Son Gary’s girlfriend is a Catholic and Linda’s only daughter just got a sleeve tattoo in October and didn’t her family. Combine that with a patriarch who made his crust raising cattle for the E.H. Pearson Cattle Company out at Nappatunga Station and you’ve got a powder keg ready to explode.

“It can be so hard, sometimes,” said the retired high school teacher. “They fight and bicker. Making fun of themselves and saying mean things. Sometimes I only think they put up with each other because I’m still alive.”

But this year, the unsinkable Betoota Grove Rotary Club treasurer has an ace up her sleeve.

She’s got her hands on two 30-pack tablets of diazepam, more commonly known as Valium.

When she goes to make the stuffing next week, she plans to add a tablet or two to the popular dish.

“They’ll enjoy each other’s company and play nice,” she said. “It’s a very hard drug to overdose on. I’ve got some Klonopin for my daughter if the Valium doesn’t take her down. I’ll just put bibs on all of ’em and watch them try to eat lunch.”

“I mean, is it too much to ask to have a nice civil lunch once a year?”

Betoota Grove Police have been notified of Mrs McGrady’s plans to drug her family with power anti-anxiety and muscle relaxant drugs, but are looking forward not responding to another Christmas Day incident at her place.