Recent world news confirms Australia as best place on Earth

2 October, 2015. 15:35

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

[dropcap]I[/dropcap]N LIGHT OF RECENT news, Australia has once again been confirmed as the greatest place on Earth. The announcement was made earlier today during a gala event in Washington D.C. hosted by out-going ambassador Kim Beazley. Australia was found to be the greatest place on the planet by a number of independent research groups, which polled people on various topics on topics ranging from economic policy to international relations.

Our nation’s windfall was topic of this weeks podcast, in which the Betoota Advocate team discuss the big events in world news this week.

The past few weeks in world news has been turbulent for many western countries, with incumbent UK PM David Cameron embroiled in an animal sex cult during his time at university to Barak Obama having to front the press once again as another swathe of Americans died at the hands of a crazed gunman. While Australia’s global reputation took a hit recently as we’ve had more political coups than Fiji in the past five years, it’s not nearly as bad as what’s happened elsewhere.

Speaking today from the chilly U.S. capital, Mr Beazly said that bad things don’t happen in Australia, but when they do, politicians know that the buck ultimately spots with them.

“I was the leader of the Opposition when Port Arthur happened. Both John [Howard] and I were new to the job but I knew that we both had to put our differences aside and work together to make sure Australia never had another mass shooting again. And it worked.” said Mr Beazley. “It only took one deadly massacre for our country to unite against guns and put an end to unrestricted firearm ownership.”

It’s an example that governments around the world were quick to adopt – which paved the way for a 65% drop in global gun-related deaths in the years after 2000. However, firearm policy wasn’t the reason why Australia was named the best place on Earth.

After scoring 807 runs for North Korea earlier this week, DPRK Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un revealed today that he wouldn’t have been able to achieve the monumental feat without the help of Glenn McGrath. The former quick bowler from Western NSW has spent time in Pyongyang teaching North Koreans the game they play in heaven – not rugby, but test cricket.

Philanthropic missions by prominent former Australian sportsmen played a pivotal role in the nation being name the best place on Earth, according to a researcher from JP Morgan Manhattan.

“You’ve got Glenn in North Korea, teaching kids, as well as the Supreme Leader how to play cricket. Then you’ve got Pat Rafter in Finland teaching kids how to run a ball like Mark Ella. The list goes on. Alan Jones, the racing car driver, has been in Hong Kong teaching the people over there how to reverse park and merge without almost killing somebody – it’s all just so fantastic. Go Aussie!”