TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact
A local man dining at The Royal Hotel in the French Quarter has decided to just go and fuck himself this evening after it became clear he was a complete loser with no friends.
The decision came after the ‘safety blanket’ of empty chairs at his table were taken away, one by one, by people who actually had friends they needed to seat.
Nathan Price, the loser, told our reporter that despite his best efforts to say he had friends coming, after a while the lie got a little old.
“There are only so many times you can tell people that you’re saving chairs”
“You know it’s not the lie that’s the bad part, it’s the fact that they then watch you from across the pub and see that your ‘friends’ never come…”
“I dunno what’s more humiliating, that or having the chairs taken away one by one.”
Unfortunately for Nathan, his worst fears were confirmed after other Royal patrons revealed to The Advocate that they did in fact dub him as a loser with no friends the moment he sat down.
“Clear as day, that bloke had no one coming”
“I mean, he was wearing beaded bracelets. If that’s not a universal symbol for no mates then I don’t know what is.”
More to come.
