ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Some mouth-breathing Pom, who chose to move to Queensland because it’s not a windswept, shithole island in the North Atlantic, has told punters in the front bar of the Gelded Seahorse Inn that they should be treading carefully in these next three Test matches.
“You cheats better look out at Headingley!” bellowed Chris Smith, an economic refugee from Leeds who moved to Betoota Heights twenty years ago.
“You’ve gone and fired up Ben Stokes now. He will put you cheating Aussie bastards to the sword! Now that you’ve lost your Nathan Lyon, the goat [performs masturbation gesture] or whatever you call him, you lads are done, and I’ll be here in a week’s time singing ‘Jerusalem’ when we do you inside three days.”
“Just you wait.”
Chris is unaware that while Nathan is out for the series, that means country boy Todd Murphy is now going to be front and center alongside Travis Head when it comes to spinning the ball with the fingers.
Had Todd been born in Headingley and grown up wanting to wear the three-cat logo, he would’ve had a hundred Test wickets by now because if that Moeen Ali is the best they have, then good on them.
It’s just that for the better part of ten years, there’s been another country boy who’s taken his spot in the Australian Test side. While the Queenslander and high-IQ cricket fan would be of the opinion that now is the time for Mitchell Swepson to shrug off his early games, being forced at gunpoint to bowl on roads and get carted by forgettable cricketers from Pakistan, and ascend to the colosseum of Ashes cricket in England.
That will happen one day, but until then, we have the Offspin Magilla.
More to come.
