LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A local enigma has been decoded today as people finally understand what the go is with this often misunderstood member of the community; he is, in fact, just a dickhead.
Having run a watch and shoe repair business in one of those shops that doesn’t have a sign and looks like a messy living room, miscellaneous repairman Ivan Enuff does not bother with pleasantries of any kind and often regards attempts at smalltalk with beady eyes that indicate you are displaying a sign of weakness.
Due to being the only person in the Flight Path District who offers same day shoe repair, Enuff has long been viewed as a misunderstood member of the community who does care about his neighbours really.
However, a quick check of the Macquarie Dictionary definition of ‘Dickhead’ has confirmed that Enuff might as well just have his picture printed in there as that’s just definitely what he is.
“Noooo, he’s just a bit bitter about something from a long time ago, probably,” stated one customer of Enuff who doesn’t know he refers to her as ‘the tall [redacted]’ during card games at the Betoota chapter of The Balding Men’s Community Club.
“Like a dead wife or a war somewhere or something.”
“He’s nice though. Because I’ve been so many times he only charges me $300 to get my RMs resoled.”
“Wait – how much do you pay for yours?”
“Seriously? Oh fuck. Yeah fuck Ivan, what a dickhead.”
The Advocate reached out to Enuff for a comment but as we were explaining the piece we were writing he told us he didn’t need our life story and that we could buy a $12 Mars bar or leave.
MORE TO COME.
