HARVEY THOMAS | Outrage | CONTACT
For goodness, Christ’s and fuck’s collective sake, haven’t we all had a bloated bellyfull of generational discourse, or should I say ‘diss-course’ because of ‘course’ we keep ‘dissing’ each other*.
Once upon a time, we were all equal. Then for better or worse, the ‘60s happened. After that, it was all about generations thanks to my second most hated group called The Who.
Boy we were up against it but we didn’t let it slow us down. We simply invented drugs, invented sex, put the two together and created a society that was more equal than ever before.
What I’m trying to say is, you’re welcome or as the woman who raised my children would say ‘je t’en prie’.
Now I hear that young people these days are suffering too. I haven’t personally seen it but with the way you’re all going on about it I would be very angry if it turned out to not be at least three times as bad as you say it is.
Well guess what? Suffering is real! It is a thing that happens every day! Everyone suffers dingus! Whether we are young, old, black, white, male, female or a gingerbread man who has somehow come to life, we all suffer.
So with that in mind could we please stop making bloody everything about generations you useless, whinging, soft, women’s sport watching bloody dumb Millennials!
If I have to read one more opinion piece about how (slur warning) “Boomers” have ruined the housing market and soiled your cornflakes I am going to punch a tree. HARD. For the Millennials reading, ‘punching’ was a thing real men used to do once.
Can’t you Millennials realise that your problems are not due to “generations” but by simply being born at the wrong time. You might have heard of this as a little thing called choice. Speaking of choice, I’m going to choose to stop writing this article and smoke some opium to help deal with the migranes you ungrateful little shits inflict on me with your screen addicted nano-hearts that pump microplastics through your central soya system by the grace of a God you keep mistaking for crypto currency and Taylor Swift.
*I can read Urban Dictionary too, as wrong as they were to name a depraved non-hetero sexual act after me, that for the record I will sue anyone for liebel if they attempt it. Always remember, what happens in MY airport bathroom cubicle is MY business.
Harvey Thomas (formerly Harvey van Rothsthomas) is the chief editor of Den Connoisseur, Australia’s leading print publication of local opium dens and production. Thomas would like to make it clear that he does not apologise for the hundreds of allegations that will be published in this masthead immediately following his likely eventual death.
