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A report by QuitLine has confirmed that the absolute hardest part about quitting darts is having to drink your morning coffee completely naked.
For those afflicted with both a nicotine and caffeine dependency, the morning is the absolute best part of the day when you get to pause work, life, commitments and God to get the fix of that dark and brooding mistress dancing salsa in a flowing gown of rising smoke.
However, while coffee is basically of a serve of fruit, we have known since the ‘70s that cigarettes are bad for you, with those in the tobacco industry knowing for another 40 years prior to that.
As a result, cigarette smokers who want to die with a full set of lungs are encouraged to quit smoking by the Australian government who does so with a combination of taxes, plain packaging and giraffe puppets.
Despite having the ‘motivating’ factor of increased life expectancy, quitting cigarettes is harder than desert survival, especially during that first, newly single morning cup of coffee.
“She’s so lonely all here by herself,” stated mid-quit smoker Murray Whyte, staring into the abyss of his long black and holding a sugar packet between his trembling dart fingers.
“She just tastes so incomplete. I am really angry quite suddenly, not to mention hungry, I’m going back to get a croissant, fuck me that breeze is giving me the shits, is it really six bucks for a croissant now, fuck me!”
At the time of writing, Whyte is tossing up ditching coffee too or deciding that life is already long enough and going back to the darts again.
