ALISON SCHENK | Entertainment | Contact
THIS IS THE ONE: After a massive Christmas, New Years and comedowns for both, Betoota Grove local Jason Nailor has reportedly woken up this morning to an email that will rustle the guts of any Australian.
What was meant to be an easy day of walking down to the servo for a bubblo-bill followed by a couple of dog hairs at the local, has now become a day of anxiety and frantic google searches for boxing or Taekwondo “or any of those ones” lessons in the area.
Mr Nailor has informed The Advocate that he has a feeling ‘this is the one’.
“This is it, I can feel it. It’s not just some message about a scam or whatever, it’s going to tell me they’re auditing my last 5 tax returns and I’m done, boys. I’m bloody done. Gotta start prepping for the clink. Just hope my celly isn’t crazy”.
(The Advocate has since learned that Jason’s only reference for prison is Shawshank).
For years now, the Australian Taxation Office has insisted on striking fear into the hearts of its citizens 5-6 times per year by sending a cryptic email informing the recipient that they have a new message in their MyGov inbox, with no further information. For some, it’s a non-issue, for others/those that lodge their own tax returns, it’s basically a guarantee that you are about to be arrested and thrown in prison for 25 to life.
When asked if he had yet actually logged in and read the message, Nailor stated “f*ck no. If I don’t read it, then it’s not real, yeah? It’s like Schrodinger’s tax fraud”.
“Also – I couldn’t log in even if I bloody wanted to. I forgot my password months ago and they have like a 4-factor authentication that takes an hour to get through. Then you’ve gotta choose all the squares with motorcycles. It’s too much mate”.
At the time of reporting, Mr Nailor had still not yet checked the message, but has been stocking up on cigarettes and posters of Rita Hayworth ‘just in case’.
More to come.
