ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has told reporters today in Sydney that boycotting Coles or Woolworths doesn’t make sense to hi because it wastes good produce and puts the employment of thousands of hardworking Australians in peril.
“It makes more sense to just steal from them,” said Albo.
“When you think about it, if you boycott them, this great fresh produce that our famers work so hard to make for us, it just goes in the bin. Nobody wants that. It’s a waste. So rather than let these prime cuts of steak end up in the dumpster out the back, I think people who want to send these price gouging bastards a message should just steal them,”
“The courts in this country are a joke so most people won’t even get a conviction recorded – and that’s if they catch you. I know people working at these supermarket chains often get treated like shit so I don’t think too many of them would be willing to put up a fight if they saw a bloke walk out with a couple of T-bones without paying,”
“Because, uh, you know what they say. If you see someone stealing food, you didn’t see anything. You want to help out your fellow man, encourage and help them steal food from a giant, tax-dodging multinational like the Coles and Woolworths.”
When asked by a reporter if that hurt jobs and the supermarket owner, the Prime Minister laughed and called them a boot-licking idiot.
“Come on, mate, you look like you went to university. You’re better than this. Repeat after me. Stealing meat from Woolworths is a victimless crime. They rip the farmers off, they couldn’t give a fuck. They’d like to see Woolworths taken down a fucken peg if anything. It doesn’t hurt jobs, it doesn’t hurt the supermarket. It hurts shareholders. Who cares about shareholders? Not me.”
The Prime Minister refused to take any more questions and left.
More to come.
