HARVEY THOMAS | Outrage | CONTACT
Since the 1950s, it is obvious to anyone with an adult brain that children know absolutely nothing.
Afterall, if children had any idea what was going on they wouldn’t be at school, they would be teaching it which quite frankly sounds like a new wave education movement I’ll be writing a column about in over a month’s time.
Today’s youth are even less understanding than any generation that has come before despite the fact they all have an iPad taped over one eye for 30 hours each day. They have no clue as to the hardship around them such as the economic crisis, climate catastrophe or global-pandemic that defined their infancy.
More importantly though, their parent’s fixation on reusable everything means they will never understand the feeling of going to school with a frozen juice bottle of ice cold cordial wrapped with a tea towel and secured with a rubber band.
I’ll save you a Google search and tell you yes, this is still Australia and no, this is not acceptable.
Because of a man called Mr Stanley (who refused to be interviewed for this piece) modern children are used to a cool standard of water that most of us once associated with fine dining and waterboarding.
Due to Mr Stanley’s thermostatic insulation system, the drinking water of Australian school children can be maintained at a low temperature without the use of a slowly thawing block of ice, a tea towel needed to soak up the condensation and a rubber band to hold the soggy mess in place and shoot at your friend later.
It’s bad enough that children these days are born with two parents as their employees, but if they can’t even understand the struggle of keeping cordial cool then how are they supposed to grow up to defeat China one day?
I remember the first time I saw a child wearing a backpack. I thought that with their free hands they could volunteer their time with charity or write a best selling book about dental hygiene. Unfortunately all those free hands were to do was write signs of protest and light pot bongs. If we think that the children of today will use the time they save by not waiting for their water to thaw, we are just as dumb as the kids themselves and maybe shouldn’t be teaching them anything at all.
