ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local mounted policeman has spoken anonymously to The Advocate this afternoon about a secret desire he harbours to shoot an outlaw from his horse like a cowboy out on the high plains.
The constable explained that while he doesn’t have a six shooter or a ten-gallon hat, he goes have a plastic Austrian-made pistol and a bodycam that can be switched off with the flick of a wrist.
“You can’t help but think of these things,” they said.
“Most people think mounted police are kind of useless. We just show up at football games and demonstrations. Protests and whatnot. Sure, our horses get to bite and kick people but we just have to ride it out.”
The copper said he’s been lucky enough to use his baton from horseback a few times. Something he says got him thinking in the first place.
“I remember the Art Student Union protest a few years ago in the French Quarter. We rode down there and flicked out our telescopic batons and went to work. One blue-haired leftie tried to grab the reins of my old horse, Nimrod, and I just chopped down on their head like I was splitting a log. Some other bastard tried to pull my boot off, so I gave them a backhand lash down the back. Nimrod bite one bloke’s thumb off. They couldn’t find it, I reckon he ate it. It was a good day,” they said.
“But yeah, it was right place, right time kind of stuff. But yeah, I couldn’t get to sleep the other night so I was dreaming about being on my horse I got now, Roden Cutler, and we come across a bank robbery or something and I just draw my Glock 22 and just put a hot .40 in the crook’s chest. These Glocks don’t mess around, they’ll liquify your organs like a bunker buster going off down the street,”
“His mate comes out of the BOQ and pow, I blow the stocking and Titans flatcap clean off his dead. Pow! Pow! Reload! Pow!”
“You know, proper cowboy stuff.”
The Advocate reached out to QPol for comment but have yet to receive a reply.
More to come.
