KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A major network news team is salvaging the wreckage of Cyclone Kirrily today as they pray to unearth the next Aussie meme.
Scouring through fallen trees, sheets of roofing and piles of personal belongings, it’s believed the emergency response team at Seven News are hoping to find a shirtless Queenslander who’ll say something heaps funny about the extreme weather event that just hit his home town.
Speaking to lead reporter Hugo Astor-White, the team have been up since 5am to unearth an Aussie gem amongst the debris.
“Yeah we’re desperately searching for a bearded male in his 50s, sporting a big beer gut and half a mouthful of teeth,” Hugo told our reporter, as he blew on a piping hot soy latte his cameraman had just bought him from the local Maccas.
“We just want one that’ll stand outside his house and tell us how his lounge room is now an open-air cinema, or how he saved his elderly neighbour from getting crushed by her roof in nothing but his undies.”
“We can usually find these quick-witted funny bogans in the rough streets…”
Looking around to survey the wreckage of the category 2 cyclone that toppled powerlines throughout the region, Hugo told The Advocate the discovery of such a character was effectively his passport to get an early leave back to his air-conditioned office in the city.
“Mate I just need to find some random bloke, film him deliver an absolute clanger, maybe some footage of him tearing up, then I can get the hell out of here.”
“My boss said if I can get it before lunch, I’m allowed to jet back to Brisbane and do the news report of the Windies boys celebrating in the Valley.”
More to come.
