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Scott Morrison MP has delivered his valedictory speech in Parliament today, as the 30th Australian Prime Minister retires from Federal Politics.
His speech was exactly what the people of Australia had come to expect from him throughout his 17 year career in politics: starting with a lengthy Taylor Swift reference, before stoking fears about foreign threats, and then finally finishing with some raw Christianity.
Meanwhile, in The Betoota Advocate’s head news room, the emotionally-charged pop song “Graduation (Friends Forever)” by American pop singer Vitamin C is bellowing through the office PA system as 193 staff members pack their desks into cardboard boxes after being retrenched.
Thankfully after ten years of Liberal Party rule in the Canberra, Australia’s employment laws have been weakened enough for our newspaper to not get taken to court over this grossly unethical spree of of unexpected terminations.
Editor Clancy Overell has explained that there is simply not enough work coming down the pipeline for The Betoota Advocate now that Scotty From Marketing is removing himself from the public eye.
“This newspaper remembers the good times” said Overell.
“Like when our Prime Minister canceled Novak Djokovic’s visa over his opinions surrounding the vaccination that Australia was one of the the last nations in the world to gain access to”
“As well as the bad times, like when he lost 18 seats at the 2022 Federal Election, leaving his party in a state of generational disrepair.
But whether you hated him or tolerated him, Scott Morrison will not be forgotten. Especially in the once blue-ribbon Liberal seats that have elected 7 Independent MPs.
From the infamous Hawaii holiday, to orchestrating the downfall of the two Liberal Prime Ministers before him, to his mind-bogglingly incompetent responses to both the Black Summer bushfires and the pandemic that followed immediately afterwards. He’ll also be remembered for the illegal Robodebt programme.
We send condolences to rest of the Australian media landscape that are also experiencing similar-sized lay offs – now that they no longer have to run a protection racket for the Pentecostal centre-right faction of the Liberal Party.
The Betoota Advocate wishes our war-time leader the best in his future endeavours, specifically in his new role as a consultant for a multinational defence contractor that has benefited directly from the 368 billion Australian tax payer dollars that he spent on the rushed AUKUS military pact that will result in 7 new submarines.
