WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Supermarkets around the country are today facing shortages not seen since the aftermath of that bloke fucking around with a pangolin.
Certain shelves of supermarkets and chemists all around Australia have been skinned clean this afternoon – reminiscent of those strange times in 2020/21.
The cause for the consternation is the release of a new health concept that has seen hordes of young men descend on grocery stores and medicinal retailers – like university students to a free energy drink promotion.
The product in question that has caused the excitement is The Inspired Unemployed’s (TIU) new ‘Swisse Instant Rizz Gummies.’
Launched this week, the state of the art new gummies concept could allegedly provide eligible young bachelors with a daily dose of ‘rizz.’
For those who don’t spend too much time on the internet or social media, rizz is a teen slang term that is short for Charisma.
Made popular on the Tok, the term has now permeated through greater society, with its reach even extended to the nation’s politicians and the Oxford dictionary Word of the year in 2023.
And, while only a lucky select few have been able to maintain a high level of rizz, it seems like the TIU’s new product announcement may allow anyone around the country to up their woo game.
“It’s time to rizz up, no cap,” said Jack Steele, who has been hired by Swisse as one of their Chief Gummies Officers.
“These gummies will take you out of the friendzone and make sure you’re never left on read again,” laughed Falcs, one of the other The Inspired Unemployed boys, who are actually looking quite employed right now.
“You’ll be strutting around like Timothee Chalamet in no time at all.”
It’s unknown when the in demand product will be manufactured and available in store – with speculation generic supply pressures will be blamed for the shortage.
More to come.
