LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A local Betoota man has decided to back himself and declare war on women by adding ‘No Star Signs’ to his dating app bio.
As a longtime dating app user, Fabian Pedro (28) of the Betoota French Quarter has learnt a lot about how he has been shaped by the stars and is now confident he never wants to hear about that again.
Unfortunately for Pedro, up to 40% of Australian women believe in astrology meaning he is drastically shrinking his dating pool. Fortunately for Pedro, he is a good looking rooster so his new dating criteria won’t hurt his chances in the slightest.
“It’s just not something I want to deal with anymore,” stated Pedro, being such a fucking Libra.
“It’s never a fair conversation because if you don’t believe in it you have to just listen politely. You can’t come at them by asking how come all the world’s artists, dentists or dictators aren’t the same star sign or any other data based metric. How are Jesus and Osama Bin Laden both Pisces?”
“Don’t even get me started on the 13th star sign, the excuses I’ve heard for Ophiuchus mate…”
Although Pedro was once indifferent to people finding solutions in the skies, it seems that the post pandemic world has gone mad for horoscopes because everything has gone balls up so why not blame the stars.
While men who make it clear they are not interested in astrology generally don’t do well on the apps, Pedro is 6’3” and chiselled so this will have no impact on his sex life at all.
“I’m just not looking to meet someone who would say we’re not compatible based on the time of my birth. I’m looking to meet someone who says we’re not compatible because I’ll never prioritise them over my career or hobbies.”
