CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
An early-thirties woman from the Betoota Flight Path District has today learnt that boiling water three times a week in the $20 electric kettle she bought in 2016 might not be enough to eradicate any possible bacteria, or at least prevent the growth of some sort of life-form deep within it.
It’s not something she’s ever thought about, and now she realises it’s not something she wishes she ever think about.
After being struck by the same fortnightly boost of domestic motivation that causes her to start cleaning everything in sight, Liz Jansen (32) found herself eyeing off the trusty kettle.
After making the move out of sharehouses and into her own flat a good 4 years ago, this particular kitchen appliance is one of the few things that has followed Liz all the way into full blown adulthood.
And it’s something she’s never thought much about. It’s just a household convenience that serves it’s purpose. She fills it up, hits a button, and then suddenly she has a litre of boiling water to make use of for whatever reason she might need it.
However, as Liz grows older and wiser. She’s less likely to use this kettle to accelerate her cooking. Nowadays, opting to just let the water boil in a pot on the stove before throwing in some rice or pasta. The days of boiling half in the kettle to give her dinner a headstart are over.
She’s also making a bit more money than she was in her twenties. This means, less tea bags and instant coffee – and more keepcup lattes on the way to work.
Unfortunately, this also means leaving a half empty plastic container of room temperature water on her kitchen bench for an indefinite amount of time.
In the eight years she’s owned this no frills kettle, it’s sat at room temperature for 99.9999999% of the time.
All of these different factors were immediately considered this afternoon, as Liz made the horrifying mistake of looking inside this dark, wet and stale plastic jug.
“Oh fuck that” says Liz, as she begins dry-wretching over the sink.
“What the fuck”
“Why”
“Fuck that”
“Yuck”
“Oh my god”
At time of press, Liz had given up on the idea of attempting to wash the appliance’s scum-riddled interior, out of fear of drinking tea with a tinge of Domestos for the rest of her life.
It now sits inside a wheely bin out front of the house, with Liz far too community-minded to let this thing go to another home, even for free.
Things could’ve been much easier if she left this stone unturned.
