KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
The Bureau of Meteorology has issued a national “Ick alert” this week as gyms across the country witness the concerning return of meggings.
Beloved by powerlifters, spin class trainers and blokes that used to wear power energy bracelets in high school, meggings are a full-length spandex pant that make it very clear whether a man has a penis hoodie or not.
And now that temperatures have dropped below 25 in the Diamantina, it’s believed multiple overpaid fckbois around town have started turning up to arms day in nut-hugging leggings that make them look like they’re primed to leap into the New York ballet.
Speaking to Lulu Lemon, a gym trainer at Golds Gym South Betoota, a number of slippery blokes were spotted wearing the Lance Armstrong special in the weights room this week.
“These blokes come in wearing baggy tees and skin tight spandex, running the full Winnie-The-Pooh setup,” said Lulu.
“They chalk up their hands and massage their glutes on a foam roller and their package just bobbles about for all to see. It’s a complete ick!”
After Tuesday’s rare 18-degree morning, Lulu confirmed one local gym member was spotting bench pressing in the megging and basketball shorts combo.
“This guy called Brett came dressed as the ultimate OzTag Dad, he had dry-fit leggings under some crusty Chicago Bull shorts.”
“Honestly if I was a fella I’d rather let my shins freeze than leave the house looking like I’m wearing a ribbed condom on both calves.”
“No man looks good with their knobby bits bouncing about in public like that.”
