ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
In a world where everything is bad and the future holds no hope for people who don’t have a wop inheritance coming their way one day, a local father of four braces himself each night at 6pm as he flicks on the news to see what the latest problem is with this celestial prison we call Earth.
“Christ,” said Wallace Packard, a 60-year-old semi-retired businessman who recently entertained the thought of downsizing from his six-bedroom display home in Betoota Heights.
“First it was fire ants, now it’s gay ants.”
Wallace’s wife Marcia, who told The Advocate she also owns the house but her husband often uses language that sounds like it’s just his, has to leave the room when the pensive news jingle begins at 6 on the dot.
“I hate it,” she said.
“It’s all just crime and sport. It gets him so worked up. When it’s over, he comes and finds me in the house and just rants about whatever is in the news that night. Last night, it was something about gay ants. The night before that, it was Islamic terrorism and gangs of people from overseas coming here to get us.”
Marcia says she watches the ABC News at 7pm, much to the chagrin of Wallace who likes to stand in the kitchen with his arms crossed while he watches too.
“This is rubbish,” he said.
“There’s no music and all the presenters are old. They’re not telling me anything. They’re just telling me what happened.”
More to come.
