CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Victorians are today calling for their former Premier Dan Andrews to break out the Kathmandu puffer jacket and take back his job as the state’s fearless leader.
This comes as and another case of bird flu has been detected at a second farm in Victoria, according to officials.
A case of Avian influenza (H7N3 strain) was confirmed at a property in Terang, which Agriculture Victoria said was linked to a property at Meredith where the disease was found.
In public health measures reminiscent to the 2020-2021 lockdowns, a 20km buffer was placed around the Meredith farm where the virus was discovered yesterday.
As the most dutiful and compliant citizens in Australia, our Southern friends in Victoria are now waiting for their state government to announce another 300 day lockdown.
Although the Bird Flu virus usually does not infect people, there have been some rare cases of human infection with these viruses. Illness in humans from avian influenza virus infections have ranged in severity from no symptoms or mild to severe illness.
While this isn’t as scary as the last virus that shut down Melbourne and fucked our nation’s economy, Victorians say that lockdowns are what they do best, and they are more than willing to do it again.
“Can’t be too careful” says North Fitzroy resident, Russell Chapel (58, pottery retailer)
“If this is what we need to do for our state and country, we are ready. I’m actually not used to spending winter outside nowadays. I’m still conditioned to spending this time of the year in my living room watching press conferences”
While Victorians are prepared to have their freedoms taken away from them to minimise transmissions, it is not yet known if the current Premier has the charisma and unwavering leadership qualities to successfully convince the rest of the country that our 2nd biggest city needs to shut down for an indefinite period of time while also demanding the rest of the country acknowledges how selfless they all are and feel sorry for them.
Local public servant, Elizabeth Lonsdale (29) says other Australians might not take these kinds of things seriously, but Victorians don’t take any chances when it comes to airborne infections.
“What are they waiting for!? Lock us down now!”
“We need to bring back Dan Andrews. Bring back the steel ring. Bring the army and cops back into the streets”
“Let’s goooo!!!!”
