KEITH T. DENNETT | REAL LIFE | CONTACT
Finally some good news that’s sure to warm hearts after a particularly grim week, the 3,000 Telstra workers facing redundancy have been given a special farewell gift today, the Advocate can report.
With 10% of the workforce getting shot by the redundancy gun on Tuesday in the name of “company efficiency”, the Advocate has been told that Telstra workers won’t be leaving their respective office cubicles empty handed.
Whilst the remaining two members of Telstra’s HR department finalising the necessary paperwork, it’s believed ex-workers have been offered a free Hubbl box as part of their redundancy package (provided they pay $9.95 for shipping).
Given that Telstra has a 35% ownership of the Foxtel Group, insiders say executives managed to secure a bulk discount on the world’s most unnecessary tech devices, that have been gathering dust in a Wetherill Park warehouse.
“What the fck am I gonna do with this?” asked ex-Telstra employee and father of three Brett Motorola, as he took a quick dump in an office filing cabinet, leaving behind his own farewell gift for the company.
“I’ve had a SmartTV for the past three years that already does everything this paperweight does, plus a Google Chromecast and a FireStick sitting under the TV too.”
Given there’s absolutely no real benefit for owning the device if you’ve upgraded your TV in the last five years, Brett says the offer of a free Hubbl is a final slap in the face from Telstra.
“I bet I can’t even flog the thing on marketplace, might as well just put it out for council pickup.”
“The only people confused enough to get one is any person over 60 who gets scammed by Telstra into upgrading their post office phone to a $109 phone contract with 1T of data every month.”
“They can shove this Hubbl junk up their jacksy, and their stupid ads with Hamish and Andy and that dumb song can jog on too!”
More to come.
