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In news that has triggered euphoric screeching from the nation’s right-wing media and politicians, its seems that Australia’s most succesful trade union has also been Australia’s most naughty.

This comes as Victorian Premier Jacinta Allan labels the alleged corruption within the CFMEU as “thuggish and appalling” – following a 60 Minutes investigation that uncovered alleged links between the controversial construction union and criminal bikie gangs.

However, for local ICU nurse, Kelly (32) these revelations given her some dangerous ideas.

After a lifetime of renting in a manipulated property market that serves nobody but a select few post-war boomers and foreign money-washing cartels, Kelly starting to weigh up which form of organised crime disgusts her the most.

Is it the politically-protected white collar criminals that keep her out of the property market while gouging her on the cost of groceries? or is it the CFMEU – a trade union that ensures their teenage carpentry apprentices can buy a home in the same suburb as their parents and drive a brand new ute?

Due to the diminishing social returns that come from working every shift she gets offered, Kelly has no boyfriend or husband in her life – because Joe Hockey said all she needed to do was a get good job if she wanted to buy a home. This means she doesn’t have anyone to partner with.

Her single mother has only just managed to hold on to the family home on a single income, and will likely need to sell that to pay for her own aged care.

But with three rental hikes in 12 months, Kelly can’t keep renting.

Decentralisation isn’t realistic either. There aren’t any rural hospitals that offer the type of critical care that Kelly specialises in, which means she can only work at one of the 3 city-based facilities that do – and every one of them cannot afford to lose her skills.

After deciding that living with housemates at 30 was taking a toll on her mental health, renting a studio apartment for the last two years has destroyed her savings, and her union has done fuck all.

“My toothless fucking union has negotiated a whopping 5% pay increase after three years of hell in the pandemic” she says.

“Maybe they should get in bed with bikies so I can buy a fucking home”

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