ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Heights man exhaled without prejudice Tuesday evening after returning home from work to find his kitchen transformed into what can only be described as a Pinterest-inspired fever dream.
Wayne Gilroy, a 35-year-old digital serf at some barely solvent marketing agency, arrived to discover that his wife, Terry, had suspended every pot, pan, and skillet they owned from the curtain rod above the kitchen window.
“Terry, why are all the pans hanging from the curtain rod?” Wayne asked, the weariness in his voice betraying how many times he’d had this conversation before.
“It’s a ‘hanging cookware display,’ Wayne! It frees up drawer space!” Karen responded, with the enthusiasm of someone who just spent four hours looking at various DIY reels on Instagram.
“It maximises space and gives the kitchen a rustic, farmhouse vibe. You know how much I’ve always wanted to live on a rustic farm, Wayne.”
Wayne, however, remained unconvinced.
“Rustic? We live in a duplex, Terry. We’ve got clothes older than this place. The closest thing we’ve got to a farm is the neighbour growing pot in his ceiling.”
Witnesses reported hearing Wayne’s exasperation from the street.
“You’ve been on that bloody Pinterest again, haven’t you?” he reportedly sighed, with the resigned tone of a man who had narrowly escaped an even worse fate.
Terry, undeterred, defended her choice.
“It’s practical and trendy, Wayne. Everyone’s doing it. You wouldn’t understand. You’re more of a drawer person.”
Wayne, while contemplating how to cook dinner without triggering a kitchen avalanche, summed up his thoughts.
“At least she didn’t paint the fridge. Again. We’ve already got a mint green dishwasher to blend in with the cabinets. Terry painted that with a brush no bigger than your thumb. I don’t need to tell you how it looks.”
As of this morning, the pots remain hanging, and Wayne has reluctantly accepted his new kitchen reality.
More to come.
