ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Heights man in Melbourne for business this week has noticed the police cars are all Volkswagens, which caused him to do a bit of thinking during his morning walk through the city snow.
Crunching through the melt along the Main Yarra Trail, grain trader Jackson Elders watched a cop van scream past. As he was looking at it pass, he saw the famous VW badge.
“That’s funny,” he thought.
“Aren’t Volkswagens supposed to be about as reliable as Pommie labourer and more expensive to maintain than Kerry Packer’s health? I thought they’d have something more practical like a Toyota or, you know, Kia or whathave you.”
He did some more walking.
“I mean, it’s pretty silly when you think about it. You know, maybe the Victorian State Government is awash with cash? Back home in Queensland, we bloody near have used cars as police vehicles. You could get nicked and end up in the back of a 2005 Mitsubishi ASX. No aircon and the windows are stuck up. You know, hot as all get out. Plus, you’d be sore as. The cops in Queensland aren’t to be joked with. They’ll roughhouse you in the corridor between the garage and the booking room like you’re in Abu Ghraib they will,” he said, out loud to himself.
“Queensland is flat broke. I dunno. You know, it’s got me fucked about these Volkswagens. Might have to ask someone. They might’ve got a good deal or something but at the end of the day, they’re still fucken Volkswagens, aren’t they? They break down. They get made in Germany or some other windswept shithole like America. Not sure where they’re made, actually. Maybe China.”
Jackson could feel water penetrating through his rooted sneaker and into his socks.
“Ah you cunt,” he said, this time loud enough for a nearby young woman and her toddler to hear.
“Fuck’s sake.”
But his thoughts went quickly back to the Volkswagens. As he was thinking and muttering to himself, two blokes going the other way on pushbikes were speaking “some gibberish” to one another.
“Ah, yeah,” he said, having a eureka moment.
“Makes sense, I guess. This place is already so European. Those blokes were speaking French or something. Sounded a bit like that French Quarter creole they speak back home. The VWs must’ve been a no brainer. At least they didn’t get bloody Citroens or Fiats [laughs] You know what FIAT stands for? Fix it again, Tony!”
More to come.
