CONSTANCE RIVERA | Editor | CONTACT
In what can only be described as an unsalvageable ick, a local woman has described the precise moment her promising date plummeted into irredeemable disaster.
Maddie Barlos (27), was enjoying what she thought was a pleasant evening out with Glen Pyke, a 30-year-old accountant, at a rooftop bar in Betoota’s French Quarter.
As Sabrina Carpenter’s catchy intro to “Espresso” began to play, Maddie found herself tapping her feet and reveling in the moment. That is, until Glen decided to pull out his phone.
“He was just sitting there with this look of intense concentration on his face,” Maddie explained, “And then I saw it—the unmistakable blue glow of the Shazam app.”
Maddie recalls the moment with a mix of disbelief and horror. “I mean, it’s Sabrina Carpenter! Who doesn’t know ‘Espresso’? It’s like one of the biggest pop songs right now.”
According to eyewitnesses, the date quickly went downhill from there.
“I just couldn’t unsee it,” Maddie confessed,“It was like watching someone try to Google who Ariana Grande is. There’s no coming back from that.”
Sources close to Maddie say that while Glen was otherwise perfectly fine, the ick was too powerful to overcome.
“She said he was nice, funny enough, and hot, but the Shazam thing just killed any chance of a second date,” a friend of Maddie’s reported.
When asked for comment, Glen seemed genuinely puzzled by the situation.
“I just wanted to make sure I heard the song right,” he said. “I didn’t think it was a big deal.” But for Maddie, it was the final nail in the coffin.
“Some things you just can’t unsee,” she sighed.
