ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
After a long on the road, local man Luke Sheridan found himself wrestling with a difficult decision at a service station just outside Windorah.
Standing in front of the snacks aisle, he eyed the beef jerky section with what can only be described as a mix of reverence and longing.
“I could go a bag of Human Schmackos,” he muttered to himself.
“But I don’t want to get blocked up. Jerky will do that to you. Last time I had it, I pumped a whole bag in 15 minutes and I didn’t poo for 10 days. I thought my anus was going to heal over.”
Sheridan, whose drive home to Betoota was at least another two and a bit hours, explained that jerky is the perfect road trip snack, as it requires minimal attention, zero refrigeration, and, most importantly, an iron stomach.
“I could grab a bag of chips or, you know, a banana or something,” he added.
“Buying fruit from a servo would get you on some sort of watch list, though.”
Picking up a bag of teriyaki-flavored Human Schmackos, he admitted that his only hesitation was the price.
“Nine bucks for 100 grams. I’d be better off taking my chances on some real dog treats at this point.”
In the end, Sheridan decided to just go for it, and took the jerky to the counter.
“Oh, and a packet of Chinese breathmints,” he said to the cashier.
With a smile, a packet of Double Happiness joined the jerkey on the counter.
More to come.
