EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
If you can’t afford a sports car and swinging really isn’t something you’re keen on trying just yet, there are still a few ways you can do your midlife crisis in style!
The Betoota Advocate explores the six most common options for having midlife crisis whilst still in your 30s!
1. Regressing to childhood
The world’s on fire, you can’t afford a house, and you can’t shake that small feeling of doom ever present in your stomach.
With all these ‘unprecedented times’ you might find yourself wistfully thinking about your childhood, and how the 90s felt so full of colour and life.
Then, well, 911 happened, and suddenly a little bit of darkness crept in as you saw, for the first time, that the world isn’t always kind.
But never fear, for you can recreate those feelings of safety by revisiting the hobbies you liked as a kid! Maybe it’s getting back into video games or board games, picking up the paint brush again, or getting a whole bunch of mates together to play DnD.
2. Escapism
Speaking of video games – would you rather be some normie stuck in a Sisyphean cycle of working and looking forward to a small reprieve on the weekend, or a legendary Gloom Stalker who spends their days hunting wild, magical creatures in Faerun and going to bed with their shapeshifting Demi god lover?
And unlike the real world, video games offer the ability to defeat the bad guys, if you have the right mystical artefact.
3. Party phase 2.0
Whether you were a loose unit or not in your early twenties is of no consequence, as it pales in comparison to the early to mid thirties phase 2.0. Now, you have money and less shame, which makes for a dangerous combination. Whether it’s tearing up the dance floor with your mates while gacked out on cocaine that’s probably 60% speed, or getting into psychedelics and mushies while going on camping trips, the party phase 2.0 has a lot to offer – just don’t expect an easy recovery the next day.
4. Quitting your corporate job
You thought you’d be smart and chase the money, but now you’re having an identity crisis. Is this really what you want to be doing with your life? Are you contributing anything of value, or doing anything that’s actually worthwhile? Or have you become just another brick in the wall?
No, not you. Maybe you’ll study psychology or teaching? Launch a startup? Switch to a non profit? Or do a complete career 180 and become a yoga teacher.
It’s up to you.
5. Living off the grid
After coming to the conclusion that living in a tiny apartment just isn’t worth it for the city lifestyle, the idea of leaving the rat race to live in a spacious home in the middle of Woop Woop becomes all the more enticing.
And though you might not exactly be able to live that cute cottagecore lifestyle, maybe you can find a nice colonial style house just one hour away from the closest grocery store.
Just think of how many ducks you can get.
6. Get a nose piercing
The easiest option for a millennial experiencing a mid life crisis is to give a nose piercing a go. It’s highly likely you’ll get sick of it after two weeks, but at least you can now say you used to have a piercing, you wild thing!
