ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Grove man has sparked confusion and mild outrage this week for his increasingly vocal support of conservative politics, despite being unemployed and entirely dependent on his high-powered wife and trio of daughters for financial stability and emotional maintenance.
Martin Hainsbury, 65, has become a well-known fixture in the comment sections of The Advocate’s Facebook and Instagram pages. Often using his afternoons to leave long-winded, borderline abusive diatribes, Martin’s favourite topics include “the death of traditional family values,” “how feminism has gone too far,” and “why The Advocate takes money from Labor and Palestine.”
His commentary, however, tends to gloss over the fact that he hasn’t had a job in a decade and is entirely reliant on his wife to keep the household running.
“He didn’t used to be like this,” said a close family friend.
“Martin was always a bit of a dreamer, but he was supportive of Jen’s career. He loved being at home with the kids when they were younger. Now they’ve all left for uni, and it’s like he’s had an identity crisis and decided to double down on conservative ideology.”
Martin’s wife, Dr. Jennifer Porter KC, doesn’t have time for such distractions.
As a barrister and a senior lecturer at South Betoota Polytechnic College School of Law, she splits her days between courtrooms and lecture halls. A savvy investor, Jennifer also secured the family’s financial future by getting in early on the CSL, Qantas, Commbank, and Cochlear IPOs, all of which have grown into tidy windfalls over the years. She also purchased 4000 Bitcoins in 2008.
“Look, being a house husband is perfectly fine. Lots of us in chambers have one! [laughs]” said one of Jennifer’s colleagues.
“We’re all for progressive partnerships, but maybe don’t turn around and start spouting misogynist rubbish when your wife is the only reason you have a roof over your head. It’s a bit rich to criticise ‘modern women’ when you’ve never even learned how to do a tax return.”
Martin’s daily routine revolves around Sky News marathons and arguing with strangers in the comment sections of articles about workplace diversity.
“It’s the woke left,” he reportedly ranted last week under a post about paid parental leave.
“They’ve destroyed the traditional family unit, and now we’re reaping the consequences. Women should take their husband’s surname for starters.”
Jennifer, who arrived home that evening from a 12-hour day of back-to-back court cases, reportedly rolled her eyes and went straight to her study to review briefs for the following morning.
Friends say they’ve gently suggested Martin consider getting a job or at least finding a hobby that doesn’t involve yelling at his phone, but their advice has fallen on deaf ears.
For now, he appears content to preach the values of hard work and self-reliance while embodying neither.
More to come.
