CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACT
In a tale of breathtaking hypocrisy, Betoota Hills resident Stuart Granger (52) has claimed he “misses the birds” after personally overseeing the removal of several large trees that obstructed his multi-million-dollar bay views.
As a proud NIMBY (Not In My Backyard), Stuart has earned a reputation for keeping local council workers busy with a never-ending stream of complaints. Whether it’s about the size of street signs, the colour of bins, or the “view-blocking” trees on his property, Stuart has made it clear that nothing should stand between him and the perfect view.
Stuart had previously submitted a council complaint about the trees, describing them as a “dangerous eyesore” and a “visual distraction” from his panoramic bay view. He argued they were blocking the “true potential” of his property. Eventually, the council caved and removed the trees, much to the dismay of local wildlife.
Standing on the deck of his recently renovated McMansion, Stuart sighed deeply, gazing out over the now-tree-less horizon. “It’s just not the same,” he lamented, latte in hand. “I used to wake up to the sound of birds, but now—well, it’s all gone.”
When asked if he planned to plant new trees, Stuart paused, then said, “Oh, no, no. Not in the way of my view. Just… something small, in a pot.”
Locals are still reeling from the loss of trees, with many questioning whether “birds” were ever the real issue.
