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In a move that has shocked no one but insulted everyone, software engineer Mason Lee (36) has reportedly been advised to “practice mindfulness” after being let go by his boss following a round of “right-sizing.”
Right-sizing, of course, being the latest in corporate jargon that loosely translates to “sacking a chunk of the workforce to boost the share price.”
After ten years of service in the company, Mason was handed his redundancy notice in a curt five-minute meeting that included phrases like “strategic alignment” and “exciting new chapter for the business.”
“I didn’t think it could get worse,” Mason sighed. “But then my boss, who still has her job, suggested I download some mindfulness apps to cope with the stress. She even offered to email me a free trial code.”
Sources confirm that the suggestion came just moments after the boss thanked Mason for his “immense contribution” before awkwardly shaking his hand.
“It’s like being punched in the face and then handed a yoga mat,” Mason. added.
The boss was later overheard in the break room assuring the remaining employees that the cuts were “necessary to unlock growth opportunities” while booking a wellness retreat in the Blue Mountains to “recenter himself after the tough decisions.”
