WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The Environment Minister has today issued a damning statement about the state of the nation’s biodiversity.
Speaking to The Betoota Advocate (the only newspaper ‘bothered’ to turn up to the announcement) Minister Tanya Plibersek explained that she has unfortunately had to write another name on the endangered species list.
“The common Great Northern White Fish has become the latest victim of our country’s disgraceful treatment of the natural environment,” explained Plibersek.
“Given the impending threat of Henry’s Bux in Townsville this weekend, we have made the move to place the White Fish on the list.”
Found specifically in the habitat of Great Northern cans and taps at pubs, White Fish are a unique species of aquatic life – crucial to the nation’s biodiversity.
“We’ve also been forced to add the Black Fish to the Threatened Species list – and we will be keeping a close eye on that.”
The shocking news follows nearly a decade of White Fish numbers growing steadily, all around the country.
However, with Henry and the boys heading into town for Friday and Saturday night on the Strand, all that hard work is set to be undone.
“It’s going to be a really bad day to be beer,” confirmed Plibersek.
“And unfortunately, an existentially bad day for White Fish.”
“We are preparing for the worst, a complete wipe out of the species in the region over the weekend.”
More to come.
