ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The unmistakable smell of burnt sausages and bad decisions is noticeably absent from Betoota’s French Quarter this January 26th, as the usual flag-caped patriots appear to have been sidelined by skyrocketing rents, mortgage repayments and a carton of Hard Solo that now costs more than a tank of diesel.
Traditionally, this time of year sees hordes of Southern Cross enthusiasts dusting off their patriotic capes, Eskies, and Bluetooth speakers in preparation for another round of debates about “respecting the day” and telling Triple J to “stop politicising everything and play us 12 hours of non-stop G-Flip!”
But this year, the self-proclaimed real Aussies are finding themselves too busy navigating Cozzie Livs (Cost of Living) crises to join Peter Dutton’s annual January 26th culture war.
“Mate, I’d love to be out there yelling about how good this country is while pissing into a wheelie bin, but I can’t afford to take the day off work,” explained local flag-cape enthusiast, River McNamara, who’s recently taken on a second job driving Uber to keep up with his ballooning mortgage repayments.
Another member of the flag-draped faithful, Kerry-Anne Wesser, says this year’s festivities have been replaced by a more pressing concern. Paying her overdue electricity bill.
“I’m all for national pride and putting the dog up boat people who come here and jump on the dole and get a free house and Tarago for all their fucken kids, but it’s hard to care about the culture war when Woolies is charging $12 for a pack of snags,” she said, shaking her head.
“How’s a woman supposed to drink and smoke on the same day? It’s fucked, mate. This country is fucked and that silly bald prick and his mates had the run of it for 10 years and this latest Sydney dickhead has put the icing on this cake of shit! Fuck this!”
Even Peter Dutton’s desperate pleas to rile up the base with a few carefully-timed comments about “wokeness” seem to be falling flat, as Australians of all stripes find themselves more concerned about rising interest rates than arguments over a public holiday.
“Maybe next year,” said Shane.
“If I can still afford the cape by then. The only people who have time to do anything are the uni students who throw red paint over statues of Captain Cook!”
More to come.
