WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The man hoping to be the nation’s next Prime Minister has today reconfirmed his commitment to emulating the new President of the United States.
Opposition Leader Peter Dutton, also known as Temu Trump, has done so by dropping a bombshell cabinet announcement this morning.
Temu Trump has confirmed that if he’s successful at the upcoming election, he’ll be appointing Pete Evans as the nation’s Health Minister.
The shocking move to appoint a controversial health figure comes in the wake of Donald Trump nominating Robert F. Kennedy Jr to the role of Health Secretary.
In true Temu fashion, Dutton will be appointing a guy who is a way shitter imitation of the original.
While Robert F. Kennedy Jr can actually boast things like being an environmental defender who cleaned up the Hudson river to the betterment of millions of Americans, Aussie Pete doesn’t have quite the resume.
Famous for telling people not to use sunscreen, stare directly into the sun, claiming the spicy cough didn’t exist and then peddling absurdly expensive machines to cure it, Temu Trump has promised that Evans will give the health system quite a shake up.
“Look, Pete has some interesting ideas, and one of those is getting rid of medical professionals who dedicate their lives to helping people, and replacing them with quacks that you pay through the teeth for,” explained Temu Trump.
“Pete Daryl Evans is the perfect answer to cutting in efficiencies in our medical system” he continued of the system that is currently buckling under the pressure of underfunding at every single level.
When asked how Evans was going to be given the role as an unelected politician, Dutton explained that he’s just gonna get Scotty to have a look at re-working the constitution.
“If there’s a will, there’s a way.”
We contacted Pete Evans but he just bleated down the phone at us.
More to come.
