CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As a staunch advocate for good times, Brisbane man Moreton Birkdale (27) says he doesn’t regret much in his life.
The bayside-based car detailer can proudly say he’s never really wished for the chance to do things over.
That was until he realised that the Queensland State Government and the entire Brisbane hospitality sector had a record of every single misdemeanour he’d ever committed inside a licensed venue.
This comes after several months of being turned away from every single venue in the city’s nightlife precinct, Fortitude Valley.
“I didn’t know those machines were registering everything” he told our reporters.
“Fuck. That’s why I don’t get in anywhere in the Valley anymore”
Moreton says that even after spending half a year unable to enter nightclubs, his claims to have ‘changed his ways’ will never be enough for the Orwellian ScanTek ID scanners.
“Like, I could be wearing a bow tie with a full dinner suit and those cunts will still remember the time I threw a schooner of ice off the balcony at the GPO and into the cab rank” he scowls.
“…Or that time I knocked out the bouncer at Rics. Everyone who was there knew I was in the right, but the fucking Scantek machines don’t give any room for context. It’s a fucking joke”
While Moreton now spends each weekend waiting patiently for his mates to return home from the clubs for kick ons, he says the state government’s Big Brother attitude is definitely going to sway his vote next election.
“Who would have fucking thought not being let into nightclubs would be the one thing that made me enrol to vote” he says.
“Fuck Nannastacia!”
