ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
“Oh for Christ’s sake!”
“What in blue Jesus is that mark on my forehead? Why the hell didn’t anybody tell me? Is this why people were staring at me in the food court?”
“Fuck!”
Walking to his car in a French Quarter back lane this morning, Mark Callander noticed a soccer ball wedged under the front axle of his late model Commodore.
He laughed to himself; thinking about the kids who’d obviously kicked it under there the evening before. Did they know where their ball was? Did they see it disappear under his car and think, ‘Oh shit! I’m not crawling under that fucking thing!’ and run away?
Like any well-greased cog in our thriving inland community would, the 34-year-old carefully crawled under the car to retrieve the ball before he left for work.
Speaking exclusively to The Advocate this afternoon in the smoking area down the side of the Betoota Dugongs Clubhouse, Mark said he left the ball atop a recycling bin and drove away thinking he’d done his good deed for the day.
“At least that’s what I thought,” said Mark.
“But when I got home, I noticed I had a big greasy mark on my forehead. It’d been there all day!”
Mark sighed.
“Why didn’t anybody tell me? I mean, how embarrassing! A few people gave me a couple odd looks but I thought it was because I didn’t put any hair gel in this morning,”
“For fuck’s sake. I saw it as soon as I walked into the loo to have a shower when I got home. People are fucked.”
Our reporter made a few enquiries with Mark’s coworkers at the Lake Betoota Drainage Authority to see why they didn’t tell Mark he had a stupid mark on his forehead all day.
What The Advocate uncovered shocked nobody here in the newsroom.
“I dunno, Mark is a strange fish. I thought about saying something but at the same time, I couldn’t be fucked hearing the story,” said one colleague.
“Yeah. I thought it might’ve been for Ash Wednesday but Mark isn’t a Catholic, I don’t think. I’ve heard him bash his head against his locker before, screaming about there being no God or something like that. I chose not to involve myself,” said another.
“I think it’s best if we just forget this whole thing ever happened.”
Our reporter agreed and clicked the recorder off.
More to come.
