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Several ASIO officials are reportedly being treated for PTSD today after having to closely study shirtless photos of the Member For Dickson, in an effort to understand just how he managed to get himself in so much shit.
The photos, which show Peter Dutton holidaying half-naked at the picturesque North Brisbane bayside suburb of Deception Bay, may provide insight into the Home Affairs minister fascination with Communist China.
A spokesperson for the intelligence agency says Dutton’s relationship with China may have started with a mid-life crisis tattoo
“We believe Mr Dutton went out and got himself a sentimental tattoo after the 2015 Lib Spill where Turnbull took over from Dutton” said the official.
“We believe this way his way of dealing with the feelings of irrelevance and detachment, and he found comfort in oriental culture”
However, unfortunately for Peter Dutton, the Chinese characters tattooed on his arm translated very differently to what he thought they meant.
Dutton is believed to have asked for “Right Wing Boyz” but instead was branded with the Chinese translation of “For Sale”
Chair of the Parliamentary Joint Committee on Intelligence and Security and fellow Liberal MP, Andrew Hastie, believes this may be how Dutton found himself in trouble.
“Literally every Chinese billionaire he ever met saw that tattoo and offered him money until he gave them what they wanted” said Hastie.
“I mean, it’s an unfortunate turn of events for the state of democracy in this country, but fuck, have you heard that bloke try and string a sentence together?”
“He was never fit for the job”
This follows a new investigation by Four Corners, The Age and Sydney Morning Herald which reveal that in 2015, Mr Dutton gave approval for then-Labor MP Sam Dastyari to conduct a private citizenship ceremony for Mr Huang’s wife and two children – despite ASIO warning them both against going anywhere near the bloke.
Dutton is also believed to have pulled strings for a high ranking Chinese Communist Government official, after having lunch with him in a private room in Sydney’s Chinatown after they paid a dodgy lawyer $20,000 to organise the meeting.
