ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Prime Minister has shut down suggestion the $100m pre-election sports grant slush fund may have been used inappropriately by asking reporters a question of his own.
Scott Morrison, who previously worked in marketing, asked journalists and reporters from the nation’s many media empires how his beloved Cronulla Ultimate Frisbee Club would pay for things like carbon fibre throwing disks and their peptide program without access to special federal government grants.
He also ended the discussion over creating a federal corruption watchdog because it would’ve interfered with his power to do things like award grants to his local sporting clubs without them even knowing about it beforehand.
“If We Had A Federal ICAC, How Would Cronulla’s Frisbee Club Pay For Their Peptide Program?” asked Scott.
Scott’s question was met with silence. Many reporters could only purse their lips and look at the grass between their feet.
“How? Should sporting clubs rely on the community to raise funds? How do you think my Cronulla Frisbee Club team was able to attend the Frisbee Ashes last year in Blackpool? A federal government grant.”
“Do you want to win medals at the Olympics? Well, it costs money. I made a captain’s call to spend it and I did,”
“And the best part is, nobody can do anything about it. Even if it was a little bit corrupt, what consequence is there? None. And you know it, too. You pathetic little Labor shills [laughs] Honestly, what can you do to stop me from doing this again?”
Again, everybody shrugged.
Mr Morrison laughed once again before walking back inside, stopping to sniff one of the Australian flag behind him.
More to come.
