CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has declared the rapidly spreading coronavirus an “unknown global shock” before going quiet for 12 hours and demanding his media team refuse to answer questions from journalists about his whereabouts.
Today it can be revealed that the Prime Minister has once again been confronted with a situation well and truly too urgent for his bureaucratic skillset, and has opted to fuck off back to Hawaii again with the family.
Similar to the 5-month bushfire season that the Prime Minister ran away from before Christmas, Morrison has made it clear that as someone with no real qualification outside of tourism marketing, he is just gonna get in the way of the select few scientists he is willing to give tax-payer money to in an effort to resolve this pandemic.
As Sky News commentators and NewsCorp columnist staunchly defend Scotty From Marketing’s need to have his fourth overseas holiday since becoming Prime Minister in 2018 – it’s not just the 3% of Coronavirus carriers that are expected to die from the condition that should be worried.
Coronavirus fear has gripped the Australian market, driving the benchmark ASX200 index down more than 2.5% today. The market has fallen every day so far this week, wiping 6.3% – or about $125bn – from the index.
With Australia’s health system no preparing for a surge in elderly patients, Morrison has decided to leave this issue in the hands of ‘the state’ and his nameless Deputy Prime Minister – and has now boarded a flight to Hawaii.
“I don’t hold a vaccine, mate” Scotty From Marketing told the most flattering reporter he could find in the airport media scrum, who just happened to be from 2GB radio.
That’s the brave people who do that are doing that job. But I know that Australians would want me back at this time out of these fatalities. So I’ll happily come back and do that… after a week or so”
