ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A range of multi-billion-dollar companies have put their caps in their hands this morning as they make the quick trip down to Canberra today to beg the Prime Minister not to let them fail.
For legal reasons, The Advocate cannot say which airlines, banks, investment funds, energy companies, mining operators and other largely lucrative business sectors have asked for help but our reporters feel our treasured readers can read between the lines.
Of these enormous companies that are lining up outside Scotty From Crisis PR’s office down at Parliament today, almost none of them have paid corporate tax in decades.
“Now they want taxpayer money to help them survive,” said the Prime Minister.
Mr Morrison said he’s put aside his “deep loathing” for our masthead for the time being because his messaging needs to be heard by as many people as possible, he says. Scott joined us via telephone a short time ago.
“Look, we’ve earmarked funds for our sporting codes. Even the A-League. Sport is the fabric of our society and we need to shield all codes, even soccer, from insolvency,”
“But we have huge airlines, investment banks, retail banks and energy companies asking for bailouts because they have done their arse in the era of pangolin wrath we living through right now,”
“I’m in half a mind to tell them to get fucked. They haven’t paid tax so why in good Buddha’s name should we, the taxpayer, have to bail them out. They employ thousand upon thousand head of Australian, so there’s that. Look, we’re thinking about it [bailing these tax-dodging remora fish fucks out] but fuck me sideways with a teapot, I don’t want to.”
Closer to home, our reporter opened his fourth-floor window to ask people on the street what they thought of the government bailing out giant tax-dodging multi-nationals.
One respondent, a local man who called himself Keith Grey of Betoota Ponds, was especially against government’s bailing out companies like Ansett.
“Fuck the mutt dog cunts, let ’em burn!” he yelled up from the footpath.
The six other people on the street all jumped at the same time.
“Oi, ah. Sorry everyone, aye? Just gets me fired up, all is.”
Mr Grey’s comments were met with head nods from all the others on the street. His sentiments were echoed by a great cross-section of Betootans.
More to come.
