CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
After months of heavily botoxed bogans politicising the lives of people with autism to create fear around vaccinations, Star Casino have today made plans to place limit the amount of NRL players in their venue at any time.
This comes as thousands of rugby league footballers begin developing high-functioning cognitive skills not often seen in blokes who run as fast as they can into other blokes for a living.
The anti-vaxxer myth that humans are not simply born with autism has once again been peddled through social media, with talentless and bored trophy wives taking great pleasure in feeling like they are smarter than the entire medical fraternity after watching some shit on YouTube.
Despite the fact that the entire global economy has been brought to it’s knees by a virus that is not yet vaccinated against, the Anti-Wagxers have taken this difficult time to double down in their beliefs that immunisations provided by Australia’s free healthcare system actually cause autism in ‘normal people’.
However, in a strange turn of events, it seems these uneducated coke addicts may actually be correct.
This comes as a group of club doctors reported that since last week’s mandatory flu shots, NRL players have begun to show signs of competency in rapid calculation, artistic mirroring, map making and violin.
While the WAGs may now be able to say ‘I told you so’ about their grave concerns surrounding the greatest achievements in medical history causing autism, it seems their propaganda isn’t entirely correct.
The instagram-charged stigmatisation and dehumanisation of autistic people has today been debunked, after Roosters prop Jared Waerea-Hargreaves was able to accurately sketch the entire Sydney CBD, street by street, after only one helicopter ride over the city.
It has also been reported that Bulldogs enforcer Dylan Napa has become a world champion chess player since contracting autism from his flu shot last Thursday. He is expected to represent Australia in the international chess championships in Yekatirinburg, Russia later this year, where he will face reigning World Champ, Magnus Carlsen.
The anti-vaxxer movement is reportedly furious at the suggestions that autistic people can live normal, and sometimes extraordinary, lives – and have since begun looking for more scarier medical conditions to attach to their money-making bullshit cause.
Star Casino have revealed they are also unhappy at the recent autismification of the new ‘rainmen’ NRL stars, and have begun preparing for major losses the moment Gladys lets them open up the tables again.
However, NRL fans say this is the best thing that could and happen to the game, and are excited to see some actual geniuses take to the field on May 28, after decades of that word being thrown around a bit too generously.
