LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Local bush dweller Kelvin Leischie (33) has nothing to prove.
While his city dwelling cousins work 18 hour days trying to afford a deposit on a million dollar shitbox on Crime Alley, Leischie already owns a 250-acre block.
Although initially keen to turn his land into a working farm, Leischie realised he could receive a greater monetary return my dotting his property with a series of ‘glamping tents’ and ‘tiny houses’ that he could rent to the type of city slickers.
“I could have decked it out with proper dunnies and that but I think the cunts like it when it’s a bit dodge or as they call it ‘off grid,’” stated Leischie as he turned the skull of a deer he had killed vegan friendly by carving a mandala into it.
“I’m out here printing money mate.”
Aside from showing campers to their dwellings, the only time Leischie is summoned by his guests is when a rogue and sentient Huntsman spider finds its way into a tent, trapping the visitors with its threatening demeanour and all-knowing aura.
“That’s my favourite part of the job,” states Leischie as he demonstrated the ease of which he uses his bare fucking hands to flick away the Cretaceous era arthropod like it doesn’t have sharp biting fangs hiding behind goosebump inducingly prickly legs.
“You really show them how much their survival depends on you when you do that mate.”
As stated at the beginning of the article, Leischie has nothing to prove.
He just wants his guests to witness his banned-in-Australia Peppa Pig level antics so they know the only thing that frightens him is the AFP sneaking a peek into his shed.
