LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact
In a Wonkarian effort of confectionary creativity, local Keto dieter Sian Levy has claimed to have a sore throat in order to smash another entire pack of Strepsils.
The Ketogenic diet, more commonly known as the Keto diet (or the Atkins diet if you can remember the ‘00s) involves consuming three low-carb, high-fat meals a day and according to Levy, is in no way a fad.
“I could do this every morning,” stated Levy, staring down a plate of bacon and eggs without a piece of bread in sight.
“I’m powered on yolk and fat! Just five hours until I get my mason jar of chickpeas and beef!”
As confident as she sounds, Levy is one of many keto-dieters who found a legal keto-loophole that allows her to snack on the sweet and soothing throat lozenge/medicinal lolly, Strepsils.
“Yeah, I got a sore throat,” stated Levy with perfect vocal clarity.
“I need them OK just shut up.”
Although she has not admitted to her keto-crime, it is the opinion of her partner Sam Borgovski that Levy is merely faking a sore throat in order to steal sugary sustenance from the over-the-counter medicine.
“Yeah, she would pass the fuck out before lunch every day if she didn’t have those Strepsils,” stated Borgovski.
“It used to be that people dieted, failed, and never talked about it again. Now it’s that people diet, they talk about it until everyone secretly wants them to fail.”
“Seriously, she’s spends more on Strepsils than her exorbitantly priced gym membership”
When met with these accusations Levy was unable to comment as she was focusing on sucking the much-needed lifeforce out of her 11:30 am Strepsil.
