FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
Planet Neptune has today reported no new cases of the spicy cough, marking an impressive 1.6 trillion days without an infection.
“Whatever they are doing seems to be working” said a spokesperson for the World Health Organisation.
“Their borders are still open; there’s no lockdown or masks or rules about singing. It’s actually quite inspirational.”
At time of printing Neptune is still open for business and any person from any country on Earth is allowed to make the 4.5 billion kilometre trip to visit Neptune without requiring a jab or a mask.
Neptune, established in 45032997979BC, is not traditionally a popular tourist destination, primarily due to the average temperature of -214°C and absence of oxygen.
However, due to uncertainty about national and international border closures and differing rules in different locations, Neptune is being reconsidered as a holiday destination by demographics which would otherwise be turned off by the poor wi-fi reception, wind speeds of up to 2200km/h and lack of a Dan Murphys.
“We were planning on going to Wodonga for the weekend” says Albury resident Lucy Carnell “but what if the border is closed? It would be terrible to get the family and the luggage all packed into the Territory and then get turned around at the border. We’ve never been to Neptune before, and Alan’s really excited because he’ll be able to drink a beer standing up without getting kneecapped by a Marshall.”
At this time the opposition is campaigning to send the entire Liberal party to Neptune on a fact-finding mission.
