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In news that none of Australia’s major news outlets have been allowed to report on because of how embarrassing it is for the Federal Government, Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has been caught posting staged Instagram photos of ADF troops pretending to help flood victims in the NSW Northern Rivers.
A week after the floods first hit the region, thousands families remain cut off without food and are begging the government for more help with the flood clean up.
From the Tweed to the Clarence River, there have been reports of everyday men and women being left to discovered bodies – while the government took a full week to get any assistance on the ground.
But Government MPs are refusing to accept the criticism that the ADF only arrived yesterday, pointing the state propaganda that flooded social media from government channels last night.
Unfortunately, Scotty’s ‘Saints Are Coming’ photos have already been debunked, after footage circulated of ADF troops staging ‘recovery’ photoshoots with professional lighting equipment in squeaky clean uniforms.
Neither the Prime Minister or the Defence Minister Peter Dutton will stand for any criticism of the brave men and women in uniform, as they attempt to paint the flood victims as treasonous lefties who hate the diggers.
The Prime Minister, who has been in isolation with Covid over the last week and unable to visit the region, responded that the natural disaster that had ripped through the region was the worst in living memory – but this is all about bad luck, and has nothing to do with his insatiable desire to dig up, sell and burn fossil fuels at a rate that scientists have warned will create further environmental damage.
“Well, these are terrible, terrible floods’’ Mr Morrison said.
“These are floods that we have not seen in living memory in anyone’s lifetime, and even before that.”
“And so I can understand the great frustration you’re seeing expressed. At the same time, there is an enormous effort that is being put in to get to everywhere that people can get to”
However, Morrison went on to assure the flood ravaged people of Northern NSW and South-East QLD that he hears them loud and clear.
“We haven’t forgotten you”
“I’ve engaged some of Byron’s greatest surf photographers to come through with the cameras this afternoon”
“As of this afternoon, we will have some of the most glorious sunset flood recovery shots you’ve ever seen”
“Up to 10,000 more Instagram posts incoming. That I can promise you all”
“And for the record. Next time, maybe vote for our government instead of the bloody Greens and you’ll probably find we’ll be a bit more proactive about saving your unwashed hippy arses”
“But yeah, sorry about the delay. I’ve been resting”
