EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
After news hit today that shockingly, Morbius (the filler Marvel movie we get before Doctor Strange 2) is shit, actor and musician Jared Leto has now received his belt for being in both the worst DC and Marvel movies – seeing as no one can forget what a travesty the original ‘Suicide Squad’ was.
Though many people have wondered why on earth Jared Leto keeps getting work, it can only be guessed that the part time cult leader has made a deal with the devil or perhaps consorts with the dark side of Hollywood. Both options are equally believable.
This isn’t to say that Leto isn’t talented, but it can’t be denied that he comes across as a massive insufferable douchebag. In fact, it appears the only people that like him are people who still listen to 30 Seconds To Mars.
The Advocate takes to the street to ask the public’s opinions, and quickly discerns which ones are former emos.
“Yeah don’t like the bloke, very unsettling”, says one woman, “gives me major bad vibes.”
“If I found out he slept on a bed of nails it wouldn’t surprise me.”
Another person says they quite liked seeing him get the shit beaten out of him in Fight Club.
“Requiem For A Dream was probably the only decent film he was in that didn’t involve him being attacked by someone.”
“Wouldn’t mind his skincare regime though, how the fuck is he 50?”
Our reporter is about to answer by stating it was likely his diet of human blood that made him look so young, when she’s interrupted by a bloke wearing a nose piercing.
“COOOOOOME BRREEEAKK MEEEEE DOOOOOOOOWN.”
“BURY MEEE BURRY MEEEE.”
“I AM FIIINISHEEED WITTH YOOOU.”
More to come.
