EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
After absolutely copping it in the media for getting a couple of figures wrong, opposition leader Anthony Albanese has been urged to find god in an effort to get back in Murdoch’s good graces, seeing as that doesn’t appear to be a topic any of the Newscorp journalists want to touch with a ten-foot barge pole.
This advice comes after Albanese fumbled a couple of ‘gotcha’ questions during a press conference meeting on Monday, which saw him asked what the unemployment and cash rate was – a question he could not answer correctly.
Despite admitting his fault and agreeing that it was indeed a significant gaffe, this story has managed to become picked up by every news outlet as proof that he knows absolutely nothing about the economy. This is further exacerbated by Scott Morrison being able to list off the exact figure when given the same question afterwards, followed by a self-satisfied smirk.
As with any politician, including the Prime Minister himself, journalists tend to deliberately fire off loaded questions they know will catch the news cycle if not answered correctly, as news isn’t about facts, integrity and groundbreaking stories, but what can get a click. Hence why these news stories are often wedged between images of scantily clad women with headlines such as ‘Nobody wants to date me because I’m too beautiful’ and ‘I got fired for having an Only Fans.’
So unforgivable is this foolish error, that his peers have urged Albanese to visit the parliament prayer room and get on his knees if he truly wants to atone for his sins and get back in the public’s good graces – seeing as, according to Christianity, being religious automatically makes you a good person.
Citing that he can ‘bring some friends’ if he feels uncomfortable going at it alone, Albo’s PR rep says that quite a few of the parliamentary staff seem to be of the Christian faith, seeing as those loitering near the room late on a Saturday night are privy to hearing a few ‘oh gods.’ That, and the cacophony of guttural moans, which must be some attempt at belting a hymn.
When asked if he was holy or would at least, like to feel some holy, Albo was seen shaking his head in confusion and stating it might be best to leave that shit to the libs.
More to come.
