CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Former Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has today ended the speculation on what the fuck he plans to with himself career-wise, after nuking the Liberal Party’s chances of ever regaining government for the next twenty years at the 2022 Federal Election.
It seems Scotty may not be that satisfied with his initial plans to just simply be a backbencher on $290k per year, doing nothing but voting against any proposed policy that might make his successor Anthony Albanese look remotely competent.
It appears the current Member for Cook is now represented by Worldwide Speakers Group, a speakers ageny representing conservative mouthpieces ranging from former US vice president Mike Pence to Fox News firebrand Tomi Lahren.
The agency describes Morrison as a “globalization mastermind” with “boundless influence and experience”, who can share unique insights from his tenure as PM – which is fluffed up way of saying ‘this man is a Pentecostal Christian and you can pay him to publicly thank God for the success he has had in his life as an underwhelming white man born into the right suburb with the right parents’
The bio, which is likely written by Scotty himself, goes on to ramp up the marketing lingo while also crediting the Prime Minister for ‘saving Australia’ from the bushfires he fled and the pandemic he hid from.
This flattering write-up, which is bordering on full blown fantasy, appears to be doing wonders for Side Hustle Scotty already – with the former PM already notching up his first speaking gig over the weekend.
Although not yet netting the $60k appearance fee currently advertised on the website, Scotty was treated to a counter meal and $500 bucks still warm from the pokie machines at a South-West Sydney leagues club over the weekend.
As the warm-up act before former NRL star Willie Mason at the 2022 Revesby Honda Dealership Annual General Meeting dinner, Morrison appeared to have nailed his comedic timing and annunciation.
Unfortunately this stellar debut was immediately undermined by the local icon Willie Mason, who brought the house down by saying ‘Thanks Nerd!’ after being introduced to the stage by Morrison.
