CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A new report from the Betoota 2050 plan has identified thousands of new terms to be added to the official list of of CWB (construction wanker bullshit).
CWB is a propagandistic language that is characterised by euphemism, circumlocution, and the inversion of customary meanings. The term was coined by Betoota’s mayor Councillor Keith Carton in 1989, after he was presented with a new plan to build the town’s first homeland sprawl suburb full of asbestos riddled shitholes with one lick of paint.
The plan never went ahead. Well not with that mob anyway, the Mayor’s cousin Craig Carton was able to finally put something on the table that the council was happy with. Almost identical to the first proposal, weird.
However, it seems the property pigs are circling our lovely town once again. This time with the vague new plan for a ‘mixed-used development’ which has been identified as a CWB term for ’30 luxury apartments and a juice bar on that block of land that once house 80 elderly public housing residents who were promised a place to live once this private development was completed’.
After getting the local government to boot the generational houso residents from this inconveniently placed community of economic diversity in a rapidly gentrifying area, it seems the developers have began using the powerful weapon of CWB language to quell all concerns about the social cleansing taking place in our town.
The promised ‘public housing quotas’ have gradually turned into ‘affordable housing options’ which is another way of saying ‘some of these luxury apartments are actually just studio apartments, and therefore only worth $500k not $3m – therefore, affordable’.
The combination of these luxury apartments with some chic retail space on the lower levels to be filled by ‘bespoke’ chains like Gusman y Gomez and Mecca has lead to the CWB’s offering up the term ‘Mixed Use Development.’
Slang for poorly built superficially glossy apartments and shops for cashed up investors and yuppies, Mixed Use Development also translates to ‘don’t ask about the social housing obligations and targets in Betoota.’
“Just don’t ask, there’s a new 100 person unit block being built out the back of Betoota Ponds, people can live there if they have an issue buying some of our flash new apartments,” said one Construction Wanker today.
“People can’t seriously expect us to just leave housing for bludgers in some of the more prime real estate around town,” he laughed.
“Grow up.”
If you are interested in reading more of Betoota’s 2050 plan please grab a copy of our new book: The Australian Dream: Sell Everything And Move To Betoota.
More to come.
