LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Boyfriends across the nation are on high-alert as Betoota University professors released a report confirming that ‘just a couple of chips,’ is a girlfriend’s gateway to eating half of her boyfriend’s meal.
The ‘Gateway Chip’ theory has been hypothesised as far back as the 70’s but has now been confirmed following the landmark study.
Dr Sam Anderson chose Betoota’s KFC for the intensive study, as it’s the most likely place blokes would indulge in a fried chicken bonanza and be lied to by their girlfriends, who might claim that they’re ‘fine for now actually.’
“In 79% of cases where the girlfriend did not order her own food she ended up eating half her boyfriend’s meal. 99% of the time, the first thing she went for was a couple of chips,” states Dr Anderson.
The 94 page report details that while boyfriends are usually happy to share one or two chips with their girlfriend, they become disgruntled after she asks for a sip of Pepsi, a dip of potato and gravy and eventually a bite of chicken.
“Looking at these figures we have a strong reason to believe that up to 62% of the subjects studied didn’t even want a chip in the first place but were just using it as a way to get their fix of some hot, fresh chook.”
“This is a smart strategy as 88% of times the girlfriend asked for a bite of chicken right away, she was rejected with statements like, ‘I thought you said you didn’t want any.’”
Whilst the ‘Gateway Chip’ theory has received praise in the scientific community, girlfriends across the country are reportedly concerned about the findings.
One girlfriend who requested anonymity said; “We had a good run, I’ll just have to figure out another way to weasel my way in.”
Boyfriends are however feeling vindicated, with one young man by the name of Ed Kennedy saying; “Mate, the amount of times I watched my meal being lovingly prepped by hand with the Colonel’s secret herbs and spices, only for her (his girlfriend) to put away half the wings in front of me”.
“But now, I have proof that what she does is deliberate and I can counteract it. I’m just feeling relieved really.”
For now, Dr Anderson is encouraging anyone who finds themselves in this situation to order extra chips for their partner, up-size their meal or failing that seek relationship guidance and counselling.
I’ve always known about this but didn’t realise that the phenomenon was so widespread. That the research was carried out by the prestigious BU astounds me; although I shouldn’t be so surprised as I know many east-coast arachnodemics have relocated to Betoota to get away from the rush and bustle of the major cities.